


Sacrifices

by Foorah



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship/Love, Heartbreak, One-Sided Attraction, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-20
Updated: 2014-03-20
Packaged: 2018-01-16 09:19:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1341811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foorah/pseuds/Foorah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it took others to realize the blatantly obvious facts and stupidity of oneself.</p>
<p>And sometimes you have to let go of those you love, because you love them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Escape

**Author's Note:**

> I really love Jean but my otp will always be Roy and Riza.

His breath tickled her ear as he whispered sweet nothings. "Do you say this to every girl you try to seduce?" she asked. His lips brushed slightly against her ear lobe, erupting goose bumps on her skin, before he pulled back to look at her. "What makes you think I'm trying?" His eyes were smouldering and he had his signature smirk plastered across his face as he stared into her eyes.

She blushed and at that point, he knew he had her under his control, and if all went well, under in a more literal sense later into the night.

Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a familiar blonde and felt an all too familiar tug of guilt. The lady glances at him and for a fracture of a second, their eyes meet. She is quick to turn away and before he knew it, she walked off.

"Someone you know?" the brunette asked. He shifted his gaze back to the woman in his arms "she's one of my subordinates", he replied.

"You mean she's in the army? How crude. The army should be left to strong men like yourself, not women", she said as she softly caressed his cheek. He smiled at her but could not help but feel insulted at her earlier comment. He chose to ignore her.

He began fluttering kisses along her neck and it wasn't long before they ended up in her apartment, dinner reservations forgotten and as he had predicted earlier, her body under his own.

However, not everything was completely in his control. It took him all his might to not say a certain lieutenant's name when he reached his orgasm. The brunette was oblivious.

***

Riza hastened her steps as she hurried to leave the colonel with his 'catch' for the night. Overwhelmed with a sudden flash of anger, she changed her destination.

Forcefully woken up by sudden banging on the door, he instinctively reached for his gun, got up from his couch and walked to the front door.

"Quit yer banging, I'm coming!"

He lowered his revolver once he saw the all too familiar figure through the spy hole.

"Lieutenant, what are you doing -" he started but was pushed roughly back into the apartment. Riza shut the door with her feet and violently, grabbing the front of Havoc's tank top, slammed him into the wall.

"Just shut up" she said before kissing him full on the lips. Kissing was hardly the word to describe the clashing of teeth, tongue and lips. As much of a surprise as it was to be ravaged but a feisty, beautiful woman, whom he admitted that he loved, it was not the first time Riza had appeared before Havoc for such 'attention'. She was simply angrier this time round.

"Riza!" he breathed just as he managed to hold her by the shoulders. Both faces flushed, he looked at her questioningly and she stared back with rage. "Calm down Riza," he said but she ignored him, dragged him by the lapels into the bedroom and practically ripped his top off.

"Woa! This is my fav top!"

She mumbled an apology and before he could grasp the situation fully, she was straddling him and he found himself at her mercy.


	2. Open Secret; Breda's conclusion

"Colonel, please go through the left pile by lunch time. It needs to be submitted by noon", Riza said once the colonel walked through the door, clutching his usual morning cup of coffee. "Mornin' to you too lieutenant..." he said miserably as he sighed at the ridiculously tall pile of papers on his desk.

It wasn't long before Havoc stumbled into the office just in time. Riza glanced at him briefly, said a quick 'good morning' before returning back to her paperwork.

Breda looked up from his desk, looked from Riza, to Havoc, with his all too obvious out-of-bed hair and baggy eyes and back to Riza, not as perfect as usual, slightly more irritable and the ever well concealed bags under her eyes and concluded that it was another one of those mornings after.

It wasn't a complete secret that Riza had ways to retreat when things became stressful but he could bet that he was the only one who really knew what else she did apart from going to the shooting range. He had, on one occasion, seen Riza leave Havoc's apartment through the back door and Havoc was not one to have cleaned up properly when he came for their usual poker night that day.

"The colonel must have been with another brainless female", he thought. He found it rather amusing that Riza seemed to have more drive in her then Havoc did; especially when Havoc is quite boastful about his energy in bed (whenever he actually got a girl into one).

Breda was quick to note how Havoc insisted that he had done some 'extra training' rather then boasting about his woman of the night, as he usually would whenever there was a woman the night the before. With Riza, he never mentioned a word.

He also noticed that since Riza's visits became more frequent, Havoc had not slept with anyone else (he did go on dates, for cover sake more then anything else). He felt sorry for his friend; for it was almost certain that he was in love with a woman that could never love him the same way. He let out a sigh, which caught Riza's attention (who gave him the if-you-don't-start-your-work-I'm-going-to-shoot-you-look) and he felt he was wasting him time getting worried about problems not of his own, and turned his attention to his daily pile of paper work.

It wasn't long before his attention drifted to other then his tedious pile of work. He looked at his colonel, and caught him (yet again) catching a glimpse at the only female in the office. There was the usual, longing, almost woeful look about him as he stared at her. If Maes was still alive…maybe, just maybe, those two would be together (or at least have admitted their love in a not-so-secret manner, which was more likely in the circumstances they were in) then all this foolishness could be avoided and least of all, Havoc would be spared the heartbreak.

Just as he picked up his pen once again, he turned to Havoc and said "this office is filled with idiots" and he began his work, leaving the already exhausted Lieutenant baffled at his sudden remark.


	3. Fools

"Riz?" Havoc said softly.

Havoc found himself unable to sleep after another one of Riza's 'visits'. He gently shook her, knowing well enough that she hardly ever slept immediately afterwards.

"I know you're not asleep. Stop faking it" he said and she opened her eyes and turned to face him.

"Hmm?" she replied, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" he asked, softly pushing her hair out of her face.

"Do what to myself?"

He remained silent for a moment, thinking of how it was best to word what he thought and felt.

"Why do you sleep with me when I know it is the colonel that you love?"

At Riza's wide eyed expression, he knew it was finally time for that long dreaded conversation.

"I am not in love with Roy!" he said as she pushed herself upright. Though the room was dark, lit only by the light from the street lamp outside the window, he could see (or rather, feel) her face turning red.

He sighed and looked at Riza incredulously.

"Do you love me then?"

"What kind of question is that? Of…of course I do!" she replied, a little bit too hastily, a little bit too obvious.

"No you don't. Not the way you think anyway. Not the way I wish you did", he said, his voice laced with melancholy. He put his arms around her bare shoulders, pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

She remained silent, knowing she had ripped out the heart of one of her most beloved friends. She knew, oh lord she knew it all along but hearing it from him, she wanted to shoot herself. "Havoc, I…"

"Shh. There's no need to explain. It's my own fault for falling in love with you that I can't stand seeing you torture yourself like this any longer". He kissed her forehead once again, his hold on her tightening a little.

"We ain't got the safest job in the world, there's no telling what could happen, so stop acting so foolishly and be with the man you really love. You can't substitute him for anyone, much less myself. No matter how much of a fool he is, he is the fool you love isn't he? I know he loves you".

No longer able to hold the tough wall that she constantly surrounded herself, she breaks and uncontrollable tears fall. "I wish you had just shot me Havoc, you unselfish, too bloody kind of an idiot…"

He embraced her tightly as she finally allowed her feelings to surface, no longer holding in the emotions she had too long suppressed.

"I'm really not much of an angel luv. I took advantage of an emotionally vulnerable woman. I paid the price, I feel in love".

Emotionally exhausted, Riza, for the first time, fell asleep in Havoc's arms and regardless of the slightly awkward body position he was forced into, he didn't care for the stiffness his muscles would feel the next morning, for her knew they would never share the same bed again.

***

"Another scotch. And leave the bottle this time", the black haired man said to the bartender.

"Boss, with all due respect, I think you've had enough", Breda said, putting down his beer (one and only for the night) and taking the bottle of scotch away from his C.O's grasp.

"Maybe you're right", Roy replied. His droopy eyes and unsteady movements proof of his slight drunkenness.

Bread wished he hadn't volunteered (or rather, lost in a bet) to stay with the colonel as the rest of the office had left the bar (with the exception of Riza who didn't come in the first place). He found it highly unfair that he was the one person in the party who was not allowed to drink as he was the designated driver to colonel.

"I'm such an idiot Breda", he said after a moment of silence.

Breda remained silent.

"I love her you know that? I love her so much that I'm pushing her away". His tone of voice slightly slurred but it seemed he was conscious of what he was saying.

"Love who boss?" he asked, playing along with the colonel. It was hardly a good idea to tell the flame alchemist what an idiot he was when it came to love.

"Riza. Riza Hawkeye. I love her so much. God knows I've loved her for so long", he went on. "Do you know why I go sleep with all those women?"

Breda simply shook his head.

"Because I want to push Riza away. I want her to hate me. I fear that if she were close to me, she would be killed, just as Maes had been killed because of my foolishness. But each time I sleep with those women, I wished it were Riza. And we wouldn't be fucking. No, I'd make love to her because dammit!" he slammed his fist on the table "I love her!"

Breda had no idea how to act towards Roy's sudden outburst of emotion. It had always been Maes who dealt with these things.

"It wasn't your fault that Maes was murdered", Breda said, placing a comforting hand on Roy's shoulder. He shrugged it off.

"No, it was my fault. And until I find out who did it, I will make Riza hate me", he said in a tone that signalled it final.

"Take me home Lieutenant Breda", he said as he got up from his chair, gait steadier then Breda had expected as he walked out of the bar.

What Breda had not noticed as he paid the tab, was that outside the bar, shadowed in the darkness, leaning against the car, was Roy with one hand covering his tear filled eyes and the other fisted so hard his nails dug into his palm as he remembered his dear old friend and the thought of the woman he loves hating him.

By the time Breda was out of the bar, Roy was simply leaning against the car, hands in his pockets and tear stains unnoticeable in the dark.


	4. Venue

"Hey, what do you guys think of a guy's night out?" Havoc asked in the men's changing room.

"I'm up for it", Breda replied and Falman nodded in agreement.

They had just showered after their morning training and were getting ready to get back to the office. Only those under Mustang's command were left in the changing room as Roy himself had the habit of taking his time in the shower (and he was one of the few commanding officers who actually worked out with his subordinates) and nobody really wanted to get back before Roy as Riza would be ready with all the paper work on their desks.

"You have to come as well boss", Havoc said as Roy stepped out of the shower with only a towel around his waist, hair still dripping wet.

"Huh?"

"We're planning a guy's night out. There's that new pub just opened down the road and I hear the bartender's hot", Havoc replied as he slipped on his shirt, a stupid faraway look plastered on his face.

"Sounds like a good idea", Roy replied as he slipped on his clothes. "My treat".

Cheers sounded about the room only to be punctuated by Roy lifting up his hand for attention. "IF you take my load of paperwork this week" Roy continued.

"But sir, we're not authorized", Fuery began and Roy tsked.

"Now, now, no one need know. Just go through them and I'll sign them at the end" he replied. "So is it a deal?".

The others looked at each other. "Free food and booze…extra load of paper work…"Havoc contemplated out loud.

"Not for me chief. I find joy in seeing first lieutenant Riza torture you. We wouldn't want to get caught going against military regulations do we?" Breda said slyly and the others nodded along. They knew Roy would treat them to drinks anyway. He always did.

"You men are all slave drivers", Roy said dejectedly.

"So how's next Friday?" Havoc suggested and with nods from his comrades and a miserable 'fine' from the colonel, the men head back to the office where as suspected, Riza had prepared all their work.


	5. Conflict

From a distance, Havoc caught Roy flirting with the barmaid and he found himself feeling irritated. He took another swing at his beer and continued to play pool with Falman. About 10 minutes later, he glanced at the colonel (who was supposed to order more chicken wings) and saw him whispering into the busty barmaid's ear.

Unable to hold in his anger any longer, her slammed the pool cue onto the table and headed towards the bar. He tapped Roy on the shoulder and when Roy turned, he punched him, causing Roy to stumble to the floor.

"You bastard!" Havoc said and attempted to give Roy another punch but Breda was quick to the scene and held him back.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Roy said, staggering to stand up, one hand instinctively in his pocket where his gloves were kept and the other wiping off blood from his lip.

Havoc struggled out of Breda's grip and stormed out of the bar. Roy was quick to follow.

"You just assaulted your superior officer!" Roy yelled from behind. "I didn't assault my superior officer, I punched Roy" and Havoc quickly turned, attempting to give Roy another swing but this time, Roy was ready and quickly side-stepped him, causing Havoc to miss and stumble forward.

Roy quickly took this opportunity and grabbed him at the lapels, slamming him into the wall. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" he asked, his one hand already slipped into his gloves. He knew Havoc would win in a hand to hand combat.

This time, it was Armstrong who intervened and pulled Roy away from Havoc. Roy tried to struggle free of his grip. Havoc once again attempted to launch himself towards Roy but was caught in time by Breda.

"Stop it! Both of you or I'm banning you from this place!" a man yelled. The owner of the bar had heard of the commotion and quickly attempted to put it at ease. "Officers of the military indeed!"

At this both Roy and Havoc yielded. "Both of you had better settle this in a more civil manner or you're not stepping a foot inside this place!" and with that both Havoc and Roy settled on the benches outside the pub.

Havoc's face was flushed with anger, hands fisted but he kept silent, breathing heavily, staring bitterly at Roy. "What?! What the hell provoked you to take a swing at me?" Roy asked, his own anger hardly appeased but his curiosity as to why one of his most loyal subordinates wanted him black and blue kept him at bay.

"Riza", Havoc said quietly.

"What?"

Though Roy may have not heard him, Breda's keen ears caught it and he ushered everyone else back into the pub.

"Riza dammit!" Havoc said louder and Roy was almost certain Havoc was going to launch himself at him again but the blond man stayed seated.

"What…what about Riza?" Roy began to worry.

"You don't deserve her".

"Wha…no, you're right. I don't deserve her", Roy said, leaning back into the bench.

"But it isn't up to you. It's up to her. What would Brigadier General Hughes think if he saw how stupid the both of you are. Poor way to remember him by".

At this Roy couldn't keep his emotions in check. "I distant myself from her so she'll be safe! I've already lost Hughes, I'm not going to lose her too!"

"Then keep her close rather then push her away. Do you think we are all stupid not to notice how much the two of you are suffering? Do you think I don't know how much SHE suffers? Both of you are so bloody obviously in love yet you go around denying it. You love her right?"

"Yes…I do. For a long time now. I do" Roy confessed.

Havoc let out a long sigh.

"We're all fools in love but it's not me she loves. It's you and I'll be damned before I see her heart broken face again."

Roy was somewhat shocked at this confession. "Wait. You? And her?"

"Go to her dammit!"

Both men got up from the bench and Havoc suddenly gave Roy a punch in the ribs, causing him to stumble to the ground.

"Fuck! I'm going already! What was that for?" he said, clutching his bruising side.

"That's for taking away the woman I love"

Havoc then offered Roy a hand, which he took cautiously, and helped him up. "And this is for bringing her the man she loves".

Just as Roy dusted himself clean, he gave Havoc an unexpected punch in the face and a pat on the back.

"Thank you and you're lucky I didn't burn you", he said and he walked off towards Riza's apartment.

Havoc went back into the pub and ordered a plate of raw steak for his eye and a bottle of whiskey for his heart.


	6. Confession

"Bloody hell, I think Havoc fractured my ribs", Roy gasped as he struggled to walk up the stairs to Riza's apartment.

He wanted to take a moment to catch his breath, one hand on his knee and the other grasping on his side when he heard a dog barking and the unmistakably familiar voice of its owner.

"Hayate! Come back here", she had said and it wasn't long before Roy was groaning in pain at the mutt's overexcited greeting which lead to him landing on the floor for the third time that night.

"Sir!" Riza said in surprise when she turned the corner to find her pet on top of her superior.

"Hayate! Sit!" she commanded and the dog got off Roy's chest and sat obediently beside him.

"Are you alright sir?" she asked as she helped him up. Being closer to him, she realized the cut on him lip and bruising forming around it. "your lip…"

"Yes, I know. Maybe I should just stay on the floor. I seem to be forced into contact with it a lot tonight" he replied, hand grasped tightly to his side as he got up. He was hardly able to stand straight, hand still grasped firmly on his injured side, and each breathe seem to cause him much pain, making Riza worry about other then his cut lip.

"Let's go to my apartment and take a look at that" she said and they made their way to her place. "Sorry Hayate, you'll have to wait a while" and the dog obediently followed his master back home.

Roy gingerly settled on the couch as Riza went to get the first aid kit. "You damn dog…" Roy muttered, staring irritably at the mutt (which was actually wagging his tail, staring innocently at Roy, even more to his annoyance).

"Shit, it hurts when I breathe", he said as he tried his best to take deeper breaths.

"I think my ribs are broken", Roy said as Riza came back into the living room, clutching the first aid box in her hands. "Unbutton your shirt", she said and Roy painfully obliged. She kneeled before him and carefully began inspecting the bruising wound, trying her best not to hurt Roy any more then needed. "I think it may be fractured", she said and she went to the kitchen to get some ice to place on the injury. As she firmly placed the towel wrapped ice on his wound, Roy placed his hand on hers.

"I'm sorry, did I press too hard?" she asked. "Ah, no, not really", he replied.

"Just hold it in place firmly" she said and she gave Roy some tablets. "Take these. It should help with the pain. It's probably just a mild fracture, nothing more you can do but rest but we should go to the hospital tomorrow just in case".

Riza then got up and sat beside Roy and began treating the cut lip. Though it was not the first time she had tended him, he had to admit that he would purposely get injured just to get her to treat him. Her soft yet firm touches, the way her brow would furrow in worry and the closeness was more then he could hope for. How stupid he had been all this time to be pushing her away.

Once Riza was done, she cleaned up, made some tea and got more ice and got Roy some fresh clothes. "Here, you should be able to wear this" she said as she tossed him a plain white t-shirt. "This is a men's shirt", he said. "Don't' sound so surprised, it's the military issued one which I got by mistake. I kept it because I use it to sleep".

Roy had such problems getting his shirt off that Riza could not help but laugh. "It's not funny! It really hurts!" he snapped. She smiled and went to his aid, carefully slipping his shirt off his shoulders and helping him put on the t-shirt. Unconsciously, her hand remained on his slim waist for a little bit too long. She then carefully placed the towel wrapped ice on his side.

"What happened to you tonight?" she asked.

"Let's just say I had the sense knocked into me", he replied.

"This reminds me of that time in the dessert", Roy said as his own hand took Riza's place over the wound. "The one with Maes".

"Yes. I remember. We got separated from the group. You were injured, fractured rib actually, and a sand storm blew in. We had to find shelter in an abandoned grocery store and by the time the storm was over, it was too late to get back to camp".

"It was two ribs and the pain was a lot worse then this", he reminded her.

"Yes. I know. Maes was kind enough to keep watch most of the night", she said and Roy caught the saddened look she tried to hide.

"I kissed you for the first time that night", he said as he softly pushed her hair out of her eyes and tucking it behind her ear.

"And the last time", she replied, her tone betraying her disappointment.

"I was scared. I was scared then and even more so after Maes' death. I didn't feel that I deserved to be loved. Especially not by you. ", he admitted.

"Being in love with you was more of a reason to keep you close instead of pushing you away. Is it safe for me to say we've  _both_  been foolish?"

Riza let out a sigh. "Yes, we have both been very stupid. I found myself becoming angry at you for selfish reasons and I ended up doing stupid things. I denied my feelings for you and because of that I found myself hurting not only myself, but someone else dear to me".

"Havoc's far too kind for his own good", Roy said as he gingerly touched his cut lip and Riza realized who had 'knocked some sense' into Roy.

"I'm sorry" she said. "He did it because of me".

"No. I'm the one who should be sorry, for everything that I've done, for what I made you go through" he said and he leaned close to capture her lips in a chaste kiss. "and I'm glad he did it. I deserved it. If he didn't I have a feeling Maes' ghost would start to haunt me".

Riza smiled at this and leaned in for a more passionate kiss but was abruptly halted. "Ow ow, my lip!" and she burst into giggles. He looked at her incredulously.

"I'm sorry" she said and she caressed his cheek. He in turn, with his free hand, began stroking her hair.

"Let's go to bed. You need to see the doctor tomorrow and I am not letting you go home in this condition or sleep on the couch", she said. She helped him up and led him to her room.

He lay on the bed carefully, hissing a little as he tried for a more comfortable position. Riza had gone to change and he wondered if she would stay with him that night. It wasn't long before she reappeared and clambered into bed next to him, careful not to cause him any discomfort, finally settling on his uninjured side.

"It is  _my_  bed", she said before she closed her eyes. "Yes, it is" and he pulled her into a one arm hug before falling into one of the most peaceful sleep he's had for too long a time.


	7. Finally

"You wanted to see me?" Havoc asked, scratching his head sleepily. "Did it have to be this early?"

"I didn't want anyone else to be around", she said as she approached Havoc in the semi dark office. The sun had just risen and it emitted a golden glow throughout the office. Neither had switched on the lights when they entered the office.

"Where's the colonel?" Havoc asked.

"He's sleeping. I need to take him to the hospital soon. Did you have to hit him that hard?" she asked, a smirk upon her lips.

"He deserved it", Havoc replied but turned away from Riza in slight guilt.

Riza moved closer to Havoc, placed a hand on his stubbly cheek and made him look at her. "I'm sorry", she said and she tiptoed to place a quick gentle kiss on his lips. Havoc could not help but embrace her tightly for one last time.

She slowly pushed him away and he reluctantly let her go.

"And thank you", she said before she turned to leave. Havoc just smiled at her.

***

The colonel and his 1st lieutenant did not arrive the office until around lunch time. It was slightly before their lunch break was over and everyone was lounging about in the office.

Riza was the first to enter the office.

"Where did you go Lieutenant?" Feury asked.

"She had to take me to the hospital", Roy answered as he walked through the door, hand grasped to his side.

"You alright chief?" Breda asked.

"Just a slight rib fracture" he replied and he looked at Havoc, who suddenly found the pens on his desk very interesting.

As Riza sat at her desk to prepare for work, Roy unexpectedly walked behind her and leaned down to place a kiss on her cheek.

"Sir!" she gasped, her face turning red in embarrassment.

The rest of the crew simply stared. "Let's keep it an office secret shall we?" Roy said and much to his surprise as well as Riza's, they burst into cheers. There were scattered "Finally!" and "It's about time!" amongst them and to this, both Roy and Riza had turned beetroot red (if it were even possible for Riza to become any redder).

"Everyone knew?" Roy asked disbelievingly.

"In all due respect sir, we'd have to be blind not to realize what was between the two of you", Falman said.

"Alright, enough of this. We've got work to do", Riza said and everyone went back to their desks, smiles plastered across their faces at Riza's still too red cheeks and unmistakable small smile across her lips.

Breda nudged Havoc in the side and asked, "Yo, are you ok?"

Havoc looked up from his work (not that he was actually doing anything) and looked at the Riza. The small smile on her lips was still evident, a smile he had never before seen and he replied to Breda, "I'll be fine".

The End.


End file.
